Mythology Class
by Jedi Alice
Summary: Alice begins to read from a book of Ancient Greek Myths, and from there, the Role-holders are thrown into the past as they fight monsters, slay titans, and make a mockery of the classic Myths we all know and love! Rated M for stuff that those of know happens in these things.
**Inspired by Fate Pwns You's** ** _Bedtime Stories_** **! Enjoy!**

 **Myth 1: Let's Kill Chronis!**

 **Alice sat in the on the couch in Blood's room in Hatter Mansion,** her nose buried deep into a particularly foreign-looking book. It wasn't one from Blood's collection, but on one of his exceedingly rare visits to Alice's old world, the thick, well-illustrated book had caught his eye and immediately purchased it for Alice. The young lady had squealed in absolute delight upon receiving it, and for the past two time-periods, she'd been completely absorbed in its pages. Blood himself was starting to grow curious. Usually, they'd hold a light conversation while he did his paperwork and she read, but his dear friend had been completely silent, save for the occasional rustle of a page turning.

"Exactly what is that book I got you about, that it's stolen your attention from me?" he asked at last, seeing she was about a fourth of the way done with the huge book.

"You bought it for me and you didn't even bother to look at the title?" Alice asked it disbelief.

"I was in a hurry and the dust cover looked impressive!" Blood said in his defense. "So, what is it about?"

"It's a book of Ancient Greek Myths," Alice said. "They were used to explain the way things were before the truths of things were discovered, like why some stars form constellations, or how horses came into existence. They even have ones to explain the reason the seasons change."

"Hmm, interesting," Blood said thoughtfully, truly interested. "Which myth are you reading now?"

"The story of how the gods Zeus, Poseidon, and Hades dethroned their Titan father, Chronis, and took over the world," Alice explained. "Wanna hear it?"

"Hm, it's been a while since someone read to me," he said, feeling a bit nostalgic. "Sure, I would love to hear it."

"Take a seat; these stories tend to take a while," Alice said eagerly as Blood sat down beside her.

"'Kay, so Zeus had just gotten his evil father to barf up his two older brothers and three elder sisters, whom Chronis had previously devoured whole as newborns..."

"What the-?" Blood gasped, finding himself dressed in a toga, standing in a palace of obsidian with the King, Julius, Vivaldi, a strangely feminine Nightmare, and an equally womanly version of Sidney Black.

Instantly, everyone went for their weapons, only to find that said weapons were gone. "Ugh, what the hell was in that wine...?" a much-hated voice asked. Looking up, the Role-Holder saw Joker, now twice his normal height, holding his stomach as though he was going to be sick. Which he was, two seconds later.

"What in Wonderland is going on?" Sidney asked. "Why am I a woman, and since when is Nightmare an adult and female?""

"This couldn't be... oh, God, it is..." Blood muttered, realizing exactly what was going on.

"You know what's going on, don't you, Dupre?" Julius deadpanned.

"You have thirty seconds to explain." Sidney warned.

"Alice was reading to me from a book of Myths from her world," Blood explained. "It would appear we've been cast as the six children of the evil Titan Chronis, who I assume is currently being played by Joker. The only problem is, I don't know how the Myths go."

 _Simple. The King of Hearts is Zeus, King of the Gods and lord of thunder. Blood, you're Poseidon, King of the Oceans. And Julius, you're Hades, god of the Underworld._

 _"ALICE?!"_ all but Sidney called out, looking for her.

"Might I ask just who this Alice girl is?" Sidney asked.

"Alice is an Outsider," Nightmare answered, surprised at his now feminine voice. "She is kind, intelligent, and in my humble opinion, the greatest thing ever to happen to Wonderland!"

"We agree with that!" Vivaldi said happily. "She is so cute and sweet! We simply love playing dress-up and inviting her over to the Castle for tea! Oh, that reminds us..." she looked skyward, where Alice's voice had come from. "What role have we been given, Alice?"

 _Naturally, you're Hera, Queen of the Gods and Goddess of marriage and family. Nightmare is Hestia, Goddess of the home and Hearth, and Sidney is Demeter, Goddess of the Harvest._

"Well, at least I'm something useful," Sidney muttered. "I hate being useless."

 _Don't we all? But moving on, the six immortals had to escape, or Chronis' fellow Titans would catch them!_

Looking around, the Role-Holders saw that multiple giant faceless were glaring at them, ready to attack. "Um, seeing as we have no weapons, would it not be wise to make a strategic retreat out of this place?"

"For once, I agree with the Black Rabbit," Blood said, feeling nervous without his machine gun.

"RUN!" The six yelled, fleeing out the front door.

 _The gods hid in a cave, and began to plot their revenge against Chronis._

"And just how are we supposed to get any kind of revenge without our weapons?" Sidney challenged.

 _Then Zeus looked behind a crevice in the cave and found exactly what they needed: a lightning bolt for himself, a bronze trident for Poseidon, and a helmet of invisibility for Hades._

Following Alice's directions, the King soon found the weapons she had spoken of and passed the trident to Blood and the Helmet to Julius. The men grinned a the feeling of power they now held.

"Ahem, aren't you forgetting us?" Sidney snapped in jealousy.

 _Oh don't get your dress in a twist, Prime Minister. After Zeus and his brothers chop Chronis to tiny pieces and scatter them in Tartarus, you get his scythe._

"That's all very well and good, but what about us?" Vivaldi asked.

 _Actually, Hestia is neutral unless the home of the gods is threatened, so she doesn't need a weapon right now. And Hera usually resorts to trickery and curses, so she doesn't need one either. Now that the gods were armed, they chose the second-largest mountain in Greece for their stronghold - Mount Olympus!_

The scene shifted, and the role-holders found themselves in a palace of white marble, much less menacing than the obsidian one. "Ugh, white gives me a headache," Sidney muttered.

 _After ten long years of battle, the gods finally won against their vicious ancestors,_ Alice's voice declared. _But Chronis already had his revenge planned._

Blood and Julius had tied Joker up with Stygian steel chains, and the King of Hearts was wielding the Scythe over Joker's head. "What the f*** are you b******** doing?! Let me go this F***ing instant!"

"I'm sorry, Joker, but this is the only way the story can move on," the King said.

 _Thus, Chronis declared that while Zeus would become King of all the Gods and Goddesses, he would be overthrown by a child of Metis, who had helped him poison the Titan lord._

"So that was YOU who put mustard in my wine!" Joker snarled. "Then, hell, yeah! What the b**** said! Your own kid is gonna do to you what you're doing to me!"

And with that, the King chopped Joker into a million little pieces and tossed them into Tuataras.


End file.
